Erik Satie - Gymnopédie No.1

I Love it. :]

I Watched This Lastnight.

I liked it
it was a bit disturbing but still,
i don't know what my mom and jeff thought about it.. they were kinda speechless

Nothing.

I didn’t know what I was doing. I’d put myself through this silent hell for long enough,
so why couldn’t I stop myself? Didn’t I have enough self-control to finish this once and for all?
I’d tried. I’d tried every month, every week, every day but I just kept coming back for more, even though I knew that what I was doing wasn’t good for me. I knew that it would ruin me. I knew that it would ruin me for good and I couldn’t ever be the same person. I wanted to go back to that day when I was an innocent child and didn’t know what I was doing, what was right or what was wrong, when I didn’t realize that there really was bad in the world. I wanted to go back to that day where I didn’t know that such a thing could happen, especially to me. It seemed like I was just going through life’s motions and never actually living it and I continued to make the same mistakes, over and over again. I swore over and over again that I’d learned my lesson, that I’d stop, that I’d finish it once and for all. But right when I thought I had control of myself that longing, that want, that need came back into my being, flooding my veins and taking over my body, removing that self-control, that will that I’d had, and destroying it. I tried so hard, but nothing ever stopped me. Nothing stood between that horrible problem and me. I sat alone watching that rain pour down the glass on the window mindlessly, aimlessly, reminding me of myself. I watched drop after drop hit it and start shakily downward before completely veering away from the original path it had taken. As the radio hummed out slow tunes from the dim corner I shivered, the cold air grasping my skin tightly. I could feel the pressure of my problem running its hands over me, holding me away from my life, leading me back to what I wanted to get away from. My eyes blurred as the emotion filled me. I knew it was wrong. I hated that it was wrong. I hated everything that I was. I hated everything that I did, everything that I lived for… I lived for nothing. But it had me convinced that I lived for everything that mattered. But that one thing didn’t matter, did it? I could feel it watching me. I could feel it there, waiting for me to give in. I wished that I could just be set free; I wanted to be set free. Why couldn’t it just leave me be? I stood hesitantly, the tears coming to my eyes once more, this time spilling down my cheeks slowly as my fragile strength disappeared. That need got stronger and I could feel the helplessness digging into me. I shook with fear, knowing what I was about to do to myself. I walked slowly, stopping every moment or so, trying to pull myself back. My strength wasn’t good enough and I continued to walk towards my ruined life’s meaning. I arrived at my destination. Staring at it, I blinked. It always pulled me back for me, and always held me down. But that didn’t stop me as I reached for that needle. In that syringe held my life’s meaning. It was nothing; I was nothing.

haven't slept in 2 days!

I'm hungry
But i don't know what to make
theres no bread for toast or grilled cheese,
theres no milk for cerial , no juice,no parogies!
Urg... noodles? hahhha.. and tea.. yeah..

x_X

Meh

MIGHT Try and have an all nighter again .

Finally have new photos of us :P

xP

PlansPlansPlans

Tomorrow should be adventurous Going on a long journey
going to meet Malcolms family finally , and then hang out with him for a bit
should be fun,
hahah then after that.. baking MAGIC Cookies With tristan :D
Awe yeah
Then go home get Jeanine, play with makeup and take some awesome photography
Yup yup.. oh
And then Theres christmas shopping.. Shit!!!
O__O

First on my christmas list :D

This is what i want for christmas!!! URG! :D
i might have to save up money for this though haha
my mom says i've gone through too much cameras.
BUT this time its with my money ,hehehe... :P

Sushi?! With Fortune Cookeh?! HAPPY ENDIN

Going out for sushi with tara tonight
YesssYess
Her last day in town
she's going to saskatchewan for christmas!
im gonna be pretty high when i go though...
Bad idea
but..
i don't know
! :P
the sushi is going to Taste Greeeeeeeeeeat.
<3

01/01/2010

New years! revolutions.
Time for BIG changes in my life,
should i make the list and check it twice ?
maybe :P
im actually quite excited for it .
I've been living in "Carpe diem "
for a while...

well whats your New years revolutions ?

WOOOO!!!

just got into Campbell river, Chillin' Like Soup .
Listening to Some House music <3

Hmm.. still wondering what to do tonight. lol

Just Visiting :)

Yesh!! Finally Going To campbell River and visit My Friends, but i'm going to be staying at my aunts house and they all have the flu D:
Crap! haha
well maybe i'll be chillin' with cary or something, avoid getting sick.
Yup ... =] ..

i Want

well.. heres a little something I wrote A Long time ago..
Enjoy!



I want.
I want somebody.
I want somebody to hold hands with.
I want somebody to kiss on the cheek.
I want somebody to kiss on the lips.
I want somebody to hold.
I want somebody to walk with.
I want somebody who I can make a mixtape for and they will make 1 back.
I want somebody who will bother to listen to my mixtape.
I want somebody who will write me a love letter.
I want somebody who gets excited everytime he sees me.
I want somebody who will walk through town with me at night hand in hand.
I want somebody to lay in bed with holding each other.
I want somebody who will watch movies late at night with me.
I want somebody who will give me random hugs.
I want somebody who believes in me.
I want somebody I can have play fights with.
I want somebody who I can love.
I want somebody who can love me back.
I want somebody who can sit on the bus with and rest my head on them.
I want somebody who will just hang out with me for no reason.
I want somebody who will dance in the the rain with me.
I want somebody.. Anybody..
Or maybe I'm better off alone..